When you become a mom, finding a good mom friend can be tough. There’s no shortage of moms to be found around the world. However, finding the time to spend with another mom, bond, and have a friendship is challenging. Moms have a limited amount of time, because most of their time is devoted to caring for kids and/or working. Yes, we do have “social” media where we can connect with other moms. But it’s just not the same as having a good mom friend in the real world. Having to find not just a mom friend, but a good mom friend, is the ultimate challenge for today’s mom. However, it’s not impossible. If you’re wondering what make a good mom friend, continue reading.
Signs Of A Good Mom Friend
A good mom friend doesn’t judge you
There will be times when you are truly wrong and your friend will call you out on it. If you hit your kid and your friend tells you that there are better ways to cope with anger, this doesn’t make her a bad mom friend. However, if you find your mom friend is judging you frequently, reconsider if she is a true friend. Some fellow moms have told me about a few times when they have been judged and it doesn’t feel that great. Here are some examples:
- “You’re not a good parent because your kid just turned 3 and he’s still not potty-trained.”
- “You’re setting up your child to be lonely in the future, because you’re choosing to not have a second kid.”
- “A good parent would never let her kid watch television for more than an hour in a day.” In this situation, the “mom friend,” said this to my fellow mom after she mentioned she was tired from work one day and let her kid watch television for a few hours.
It’s important to remember that as moms, we all make mistakes. The key to a good mom friend is somebody who will listen to you and help you troubleshoot issues, without assassinating your character.
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Conversations include the both of you
Have you ever sat down at lunch with a mom friend and noticed the conversation is dominated by her complaints, problems, and venting? Hear me out: If this happens once in awhile, it’s not a dealbreaker. There will be times when she may be going through a really tough time and may need you to be there for her. However, if you notice that most of your conversations throughout the time of your friendship include her talking about herself, without her making any attempts to see how you are truly doing and listening to you, then she might not be the best mom friend for you.
She doesn’t just call you to ask for favors
Have you ever had a “mom friend” who would call you out of the blue for a favor? There’s nothing wrong with asking favors, as long as this is not the only thing the friendship entails. Let’s say you do this favor for her and it’s radio silence for the next 6 months until she calls you again for another favor. At this point, you might want to re-think the friendship and if she is a good mom friend.
A good mom friend will make time for you
This point can be a complicated one to judge because of the limited time that moms have. As a full-time working mom, my time is extremely limited. However, I do my best to make time for my friends.
I won’t automatically say someone is a bad mom friend just because she turns down two of my invitations in a row. I look at several things before making the final judgement. For example, I have a mom with three kids. One kid got sick after the other. On top of that, after all the kids got better, there was a death in her family. This all happened over the span of several months. In this situation, I didn’t expect her to make time for the friendship. In fact, I offered her help and support through these times. There were other priorities. However, the following example might be a situation where someone may not be the best mom friend:
You have been offering to spend time with her every month for the last 6 months. The first month, you ask her to have lunch, but she shoots you down. The second month, you ask her to hang out at your house and she declines again. This continues for several more months and you ask her to different places and times, in case something doesn’t work for her schedule. You even propose a few play dates, in case she can’t get away from her kids, but she still says she can’t make it. On top of this, she doesn’t offer any alternate dates/times for you to hang out. These are all red flags that she is not the best mom friend.
She helps you
Recently, there was a day I couldn’t find childcare. I was in a bind because I ran out of paid time off from work. I couldn’t put her in any childcare programs, because the ones in my area were all closed during Christmas break. One of my mom friends, with two kids of her own, rescued me in this situation. She ended up watching my kid for that one day, along with her two kids. When she needs me, I will be there to return the favor. Moms need a lot of help with parenting and having true mom friends can make all the difference.
Last year, my car broke down and one of my mom friends offered to take me to work and back home. I was able to get a car rental, so I told her it wasn’t necessary. However, just the fact that she offered made me feel really good that there was someone I knew I can count on.
There’s a bunch of “mom friends” out there, but not all of them make good mom friends. If you have a mom friend that you are unsure about, hopefully some of my tips can help you decide if she is a good mom friend worth keeping.